I often say affirmations. I learned this while recovering from my hip surgery. I was so depressed, had no will to live and felt defeated. I was seeing a counselor. Each morning I awoke, and each morning I DID WAKE, I sat up in bed and then took my time getting up and getting moving. Not that I had a choice in how fast or slowly I went... I was at snail's pace regardless of my mental wishes. So, I would stand up and with each slow step towards the bathroom, I would say a short affirmation.
"I am well."
"I am happy."
"I am healthy."
"I am cured."
"I am feeling good."
"I am energized."
"I am thankful."
"I am strong."
I had a lot of small steps to the bathroom, so some of them were repeated, which I think is just fine considering it took some convincing to believe that what I was saying was true. It is important to say them aloud and not just think them.
I cried... a lot... during that time. I didn't know what to believe. I was still in a state of shock. I didn't know what to think. I could not make decisions if my life depended on it... and it did.. and I still did not make many, if any, decisions. Nothing was within my control for about six months or so... at least that's what it felt like at the time. Looking back, my state of mental well-being was at least to a small degree within my control, but I had no idea at the time. My mom was my biggest cheerleader and my coach... either giving me the love and cheer I needed or the shove and push to snap out of it. Hot or cold. Both worked at different times.
When I would reach the bathroom I would make it a point to stand in front of the mirror (my counselor suggested me do this as well) and then tell myself some of the affirmations to my own face. This was much more challenging that one would think and whether or not you think you need it, I suggest you try it anyway. I didn't like what I had physically become and I did not like looking at myself in the mirror. Not that I did before all of this but at this point, I tried to steer clear of reflections. Maybe I'm the only one that saw myself like this, I don't know. I didn't like myself. I saw some other being in the mirror. Someone puffy, sad, worn out, obviously torn apart, discolored, weak, unmotivated, ugly and dark. I'm pretty sure I could come up with more negative descriptions of myself than I could affirmations. As I would say these affirmations to myself in the mirror, I felt bad for myself because I didn't believe any of them and I absolutely did not consider the possibility that this exercise would help in any way.
I got out of bed today- NINE YEARS LATER and still alive!
Today, that meant me rolling over first and snuggling into my husband. (Huge feats... "rolling over" is something I didn't ever think I would do again on this date nine years ago and "snuggling into my husband" is another gift after having been through a divorce and now in such a wonderful partnership.) That was followed by talking to four needy dogs anxious for my awakening. (Four live beings depending on me. We have children who also depend on me as well. Imagine that. If anyone would have asked me nine years ago or even five years ago what I thought my life would look like today, it certainly would not have included anyone depending on me for anything nor a family of this size... that was only ever in my hopes and dreams.) Once up, I realized that the floaters in my eyes were bad and then immediately went into slight anxiety having memories of injections in my left eye. Of course, that instantaneously was self-diagnosed as a worst case scenario and spiraled into cancer and needles in the eye within about two seconds. I breathed a bit and felt congested then realized it was likely my allergies. I conducted some calm breathing and talked to the dogs for a couple minutes before I actually rose from bed. And then... I verbalized affirmations on the way to the bathroom to help soothe myself and as I said them today, I inhaled deeply as if to breathe in belief. I AM O.K. I didn't stand in the mirror today, I normally don't as most of you can tell on a daily basis I'm sure. I walked down the stairs in my pj's with my furry entourage and then released them into the backyard, all the while repeating affirmations intertwined with dog directions. The weather is nice this weekend, which is a determining factor in my overall mental state, sadly. So, thankfully, as I reached the glass door, I internally felt happiness as I noticed the sun was out, the sky was blue and the air was warm. I walked over to the kitchen to start the coffee, filled the dog bowls, moved the visiting cat from the dog food, let the fur-babies back inside, mixed my coffee and sat down at the table, facing that glass door to the world and thought...
WOW... I am SO THANKFUL today. Today... is a great day!