I went through routine check-up scans a week ago today. I ended my last scan post with "The Doctor is in." This time around, I was quasi-confident, quasi-scanxious... I wasn't sure if I was up or down, content or uneasy, complacent or hopeless. Since my last scans in June sent me through a summer of tests and biopsies, which miraculously all turned out to be benign, I was somewhat expectant to have only good news of no new issues to probe into as they've all just recently been tested. But then again, The little voice in my head reminded me that if there's something new happening, sometimes it could be possible to not find it right away and after six months, perhaps there could be something there that they will need to test and in it they will find cancer. (This is the scanxiety, the downward spiral of thorns that spits you into a pit of worry and depression after tearing through your body which affects not only a mental state but a physical one as well, if you let it hit that bottom. I seriously believe that I am THE ONE person in the world that gets this worrisome with scanxiety.)
Fortunately, I was pre-occupied with some delays in the clinics due to computer issues. I also brought my laptop with me to get some work done. Why in the 8.5 years I have been participating in routine scans I have never brought my laptop is now alarmingly curious. So, I was keeping busy and that helped. Then, everything sort of just went quicker than it usually does... literally... not just because I was per-occupied, but I didn't actually wait as long in any part of this process as usual.
Long story short, I received the good news! Another six more months to life life as I know it until my next scans. Meanwhile, I have some new things to worry about... ha ha... normal human stuff for a non-anxious person, but I'm not normal so of course, I immediately assume the worst-case scenario.. I have a mole that likely needs to be removed, sliced up and tested- fantastic... maybe even more than one. And, I have to have a follow-up mammogram in February from the biopsy in August. That means we'll be checking for cancer in January and again in February. So much for a six-month break. A double whammy of worry for this freakazoid. (Cue the guilt of being a healthy cancer _______ while there are others hanging on to their lives by a thread.) The hardest part to remember is that I'm fine, I'm good.. If they find something, we WILL manage it. Cancer is not welcome in this body of mine and I will eliminate it through belief, family support, doctor assistance, faith proper supplementation and intrinsic exercises. I did it once before and that was certainly worse than anything they could possibly find a second time around, right? (Let's just bank on that.)
I haven't made my appointments yet. I've been told NOT to live my life around cancer. HA HA HA... how do you do that? Isn't health a top priority? Don't we need to work around our health? I'm not saying I'm going to ignore these issues, but I AM going to at least enjoy the next two weeks through Christmas before I start thinking about more tests. That settles my mind a bit and I'm ok with waiting two week in an effort to preserve a little sanity and serenity... that makes the wait worth it right there.
For now, I am thankful.
I finished another commission piece the other day, which is the photo attached to this post. My family and I went to see Santa tonight! We had a lovely dinner and we've made plans for tomorrow. We have some financial stress, but who doesn't around this time of year and we are so very blessed to have a roof over our heads, food on the table, jobs to provide income, parents that are supportive, healthy children and great friends! I'm always fresh with gratefulness in the weeks following good scan results.